So, April Fool's day..

i wish some fucker and turned around and told me thewhole of yesterday was a joke.. because i fucked up... i drove myself mental for about 4 hours.. and i played a game.. i dont know what game.. and didn't like it one bit.. im fucking myself & him up. i can't remember much about yesterday, and i dont remember why exactly i didnt write a blog yesterday.. and i cant be fucked to write this really because it'll just get me down i guess. i just want to say im SORRY. i say this alot, and its amazing how much just a few words can mean to people.. i completely lost it with you.. the way you've been treated me it allcame flooding back and i wanted to show you how upset it really makes you.. but after i did that to you the words i said to you went round & round my head. when i went to cunnington i just.. well, i just i couldnt let it out i just broke down... i was like it was on the floor and starting shaking. because the pictures from that night came backk. Honestly, what am i meant to do when you do this? i know you love it. i know you cant help it.. but when it get's like that... i really dont have a clue what to do. i really want to be here for you as much as i an and try to do the 'right' thing for you but i dont know what that is anymore... you know i said i cant be fucked to write this anymore? well i really cant. im only writing it for you. and. im sorry.xXxXxXx